Love, It is never complicated. what really complicated is showing it, or being in love. I dont know when I fell for her, Maybe I felt when she was feeding me with care, or by listening to her clumsy talks. Maybe it was when I realized that she stayed up all the night beside my bed watching me. After all I felt for her cause I know that she cares a lot.
Perhaps these are my best days. I wake up to see her face. I close my eyes in the night with a new hope to see her again. I ve been in love once..So I know this is for real. I smile alone like a crazy man. I guess she does not have a slightest idea of what I am going through right now. She makes me alive..she means alot..but it’s complicated.. but she would say it’s not complicated..she would say that we could do this together. But how can I make her understand that I am suffocated inside out for not being able to get her back? as the way I wanted?..My mind is stuck cause my body is stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life time. How painful is it for not being able to tuck her hair strands behind her ears when they trouble her a lot against the wind? I want to caresses her cheeks but i cannot..I cannot move my hand to any point. It’s painful to watch her wandering around me when my mind badly wants to hug her. There’s lot more I regret now. I ve told her that’ my whole life changed to a better since she came to me.but that’s not enough’..I want more..I could have done more..if I am not caged in this wheelchair.
But she never gives up on me..trying her best to convince me. But my body is oblivion. There’s a part of me who wants to believe in this love but the reality is too painful for me. It’s indeed complicated..painful to love her in my mind…knowing she loves me back…knowing she’ll be there for me but not being able to give her the best. Not being able to love her as the way I wanted. & living with these incomplete feelings buries me alive every night and she never gives up..that’s why I say her “You are something else Clark”. She is in pain cause she thinks that I am not giving her a chance but I am in pain for not having options.
PS: Will’s thought towards Clark in my opinion cause I ‘m going crazy over the book “Me before you” by Joje Moyes. I can write more more and more..but I’ll just stop right here 🙂